I believe, one of the most important lessons I had to learn the hard way is: YOU CAN’T POUR FROM AN EMPTY CUP!
You’ve probably heard about this analogy: Before an airplane takes off, the flight attendants deliver advice on what to do in an emergency situation. They explain that if the oxygen masks drop down, you should always attach your own mask before trying to help others. After all, if you pass out from lack of oxygen, what good are you to anyone else? ⠀⠀
And this applies to all aspects of life. ⠀⠀
Unfortunately most of us – including me – have been conditioned to put others first. Growing up as the oldest child, I was used to care for my younger siblings when my parents weren’t available. I never complained, yet I unconsciously continued this behaviour once I moved away from home. I started taking care of my friends, my partner, the peers surrounding me.. and lost myself in the process.
When I found myself at a point where my physical and mental health were in serious conditions, I went on a journey of self-discovery. These are just 6 lessons (out of many), I learned along my journey that I continue to embark on.
My wish for you is that you allow yourself to make your own mistakes, to take a break from healing once in a while, to laugh, to have fun, and look at how far you have already come. You are not a self-improvement machine. You’re not too much nor are you a problem that needs to be fixed. I know you are doing your best. You are beautiful, lovable, worthy and no better or worse than any other being on this planet that craves connection and safety. And you have the permission to just be. That is enough. You are enough. ⠀⠀
Healing happens when you choose yourself in the in between moments. It’s the little things, the tiny choices that create every piece of your existence and remind you of your wholeness. ⠀⠀
It might seem that I have all the answers but that isn’t true. I’m not the “guru” on the top of the mountain. I’m walking this journey with you, beside you.
Healing is an inside “job”
Dear one, healing yourself and learning to take care of yourself is an inside job: No one is going to do the work for you. That doesn’t mean that other people can’t help or shouldn’t support you, most definitely, but the switch needs to happen within you for it to stick. ⠀⠀
Healing comes from the inside out. It comes from being in touch with our inherent love, passion, creative power and purpose. We don’t need to be more than we are or do more than we’ve done to achieve that. But we must prioritize. We must love, respect and take care of ourselves. ⠀⠀
Understanding that your healing journey is yours and yours alone is a big one. It was for me. But, it can prevent a lot of disappointment, frustration and heartache. Shifting your focus from ‘I want them to understand/join in’ to ‘I’m doing this with myself for myself’ will give you a lot of peace and freedom.
Healing is an intense and deep process that requires courage, commitment, consistency, self-responsibility, brutal honesty, and confrontation to name a few. Yet, healing is also empowering. It allows us to rewrite our story. It allows us to give ourselves all the things we’ve been needing long ago and harness our own inner wisdom.
Healing requires embracing wholeness
Healing & growing is understanding the layers of who we are and why we currently function as we do, figuring out what parts of this functioning are no longer serving us, and doing the hard work of changing very automatic patterns. I believe that healing requires less fixing and more accepting – less perfectionism and more good-enough – less criticism and more self-care, self,-love, and-compassion. All of this leads to embracing wholeness, not shunning what is painful or ugly. Without the shadow, we’re hobbling through life withholding our authenticity and also our joy. I’m grateful to the pioneers in this field of healing who are holding the space for all of us to reconnect with the parts of ourselves we’ve abandoned.
If you are able to move through the process you will be rewarded with the freedom to let go of the drama, chaos and control of the outside world. The freedom to be with yourself inside yourself. The freedom to return home – to yourself!
You can do this. You’re worth it!
Start believing in YOU 🧡
I’m walking this journey with you, beside you.
I would love to know from you: What do you wish you knew when starting your (healing) journey?
Ps: If you are looking for a simple, yet effective, tool to cultivate a more nourishing and loving relationship with yourself, feel free to have a look at the GOOD LIFE Journal that I created for people like me and you 🕊