It can be easy to get busy believing that we are problems needing to be fixed. That we are broken in need to become better, wiser, whole, complete. That we are not enough and in need to become a new person.
This can be driven by shame. Driven by the idea that in and of ourselves we are not good enough…. a narrative we were taught, in a multitude of complex ways.
I dare to ask you: What if your pain doesn’t want to be healed?
What if you are not broken? What if you have never been broken?
The illusion of “brokenness”
At the start of my healing journey, I believed I was broken and needed fixing.
Then I believed I couldn’t be fixed and I had to accept myself as broken as I was.
Today, I don’t believe I’ve never been broken.
Today, I believe that the parts of myself I believed were broken, were simply reacting to the world the best they knew how.
Shame told me I was broken. My heart felt broken. My life looked broken. All an illusion.
Yes, I have been and still am wounded, but I am not broken.
I am human.
Humans don’t break. They get hurt. And then they can heal.
You are not broken
You aren’t broken, damaged or incapable.
You don’t need fixing, saving, or solving.
Brokenness is something that most of us want to avoid. Broken feels painful, shameful, bad and frightening; full of meaning that is taught to be avoided or fixed at all cost. Until we begin to embrace brokenness and understand the deeper nature of wholeness, we will want to turn away from the pain.
The broken self does all that it can to avoid pain, often inside of what feels like excruciating emotional or physical pain. The fragmented broken self yearns for what is missing yet is often afraid to trust and embrace that which is true. If there has been trauma, brokenness can feel more acute and sometimes take more time and patience to work with. Safe companioning and guiding is very important to the healing and wholing process. I have come to know wholeness through my sense of brokenness, working deeply with my stories, beliefs and parts of self through transformative processes. Embracing wholeness within yourself means that you stop relying on others to fill you or complete you.
We are whole. We are one person. One incredible, valued person. And nothing can change that wholeness. We are whole, and we don’t need to reduce our worth or wholeness to increase that in something or some other. Most of all, we don’t need to squeeze ourselves into places, clothes, or narratives that don’t value us in our fullness.
We don’t heal from brokenness
Yes, you heard me right. We don’t heal from brokenness. In fact, we don’t heal ‘from’ anything. We *simply* turn towards the wounded places – the once that feel broken, scattered, and out of alignment. That is, we embrace these parts of us that have been neglected or left unnoticed, undernourished even.
I believe, we do not heal ‘from’ – we heal ‘within’ the wounded places.
Healing is not about fixing or mending or filling holes
It is about witnessing myself in ALL my parts, and having the grace to say,
“And I’m still absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, worthy.”
May we keep remembering that each of us holds an entire ocean and galaxy and universe of complexity, contradiction, shadow and beauty within us. All part of the whole. In fact, we are even more than we’ll ever understand or know. Each of us is a literal miracle. An unrepeatable and completely unique being that can never be broken or simplified.
Dear one, may you be led closer to our joy, and pick up courage along the way. May you find joy in the middle of the mess of things. And most of all, may you open the door to your heart so that you can enter home. I hope whoever, wherever you are, you put your hand to your heart and offer yourself these questions. May you always remember that you are not only a part of the whole – you are the whole. Full. Enough. Complete. You will never escape it. So you might as well embrace it.
Some questions without answers
May we always remember that we are not here to fit in, be well balanced, or be ‘fully healed’ (which is an illusion in itself). We are here to be human, different, perhaps strange, perhaps merely to add our small piece, our little chunky selves, to the great mosaic of being. What if we are truly here to become more and more ourselves?
What if healing was never the goal to an end, but the pathway to a deeper sense of wholeness and belonging? “Healed” is not where you will be worthy of a good life, of love, of joy, of friendship, of partnership, of meaning, of care, of hope. Often, it’s not about becoming a new person, but becoming the person you were meant to be, and already are, but don’t know how to be.
You are worthy now – in the unknown.
As you heal…
A prayer, an affirmation, a wholehearted devotion
Repeat after me:
“Healed” is not where you will be worthy of a GOOD life.
You are worthy now. You are whole.
As you heal.
Ps: If you are looking for a simple, yet effective, tool to cultivate a more nourishing and loving relationship with yourself, feel free to have a look at the GOOD LIFE Journal that I created for people like me and you 🕊