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fawn response

People pleasing (“fawning”) is a (overlooked) trauma response
MATTER-Psychology | Tips & Tricks

People pleasing (“fawning”) is a (overlooked) trauma response

October 2, 2020October 2, 2020

I’ve been digging deeper into the origins and consequences of trauma and how it impacts our nervous system lately, so I want to share what I’ve discovered so far.  What is trauma? Trauma is not just about the things that happened to us that should not have happened. It also includes what DIDN’T happen to…

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About me

Nila Conzen holistic coach

Hi, I am Nila, a 27 year old Holistic Coach (MScPsy) Yoga Teacher, and Nutritionist from Hamburg, Germany. I am passionate about encouraging people look within to harness the power of their inner wisdom so that they can cultivate a more compassionate, curious and nourishing connection to themselves and ultimately find the truth of who they are – perfectly whole in all their imperfections.

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❥ Something I needed today. Maybe you do too.🕊 Today I woke up feeling empty, anxious - lonely even. Instead of letting my feelings hold me caged in bed (like they did for so many years), I noticed and acknowledged the heaviness, got out of bed, and hopped on my Yoga mat for a gentle morning stretch. As I was flowing through the familiar routine, I could feel the tension slowly dropping off my shoulders. No fixing. No self-improvement. No pushing away the pain. Grace what all I needed. So I gave myself permission to be human, remembered my innate goodness, acknowledged how far I have already come, celebrated slow, sustainable progress, and embraced my tender heart into a loving hug of wordless understanding. No fixing. No self-improvement. No pushing away the pain. Grace was all I needed. That got me thinking about the concept of grace. There are so many ways to define and interpret ‘grace’ but to me it means giving myself permission to be human - with everything included. The holy, humility, kindness, forgiveness, understanding, humanity, beauty, *and* the messiness. It means remembering my innate goodness and acknowledging how far I have come - especially when I feel like nothing has changed. Grace means celebrating slow, sustainable progress that may easily be overseen in the business of everyday life. It means being human in the process and allowing myself to be where I am (even when it's not where I want to be). Grace, for me, ultimately feels like embracing all parts of me into an unbreakable whole that nothing and no-one can ever take away from me. It’s my own. It’s my own. My invitation: give yourself grace for where you are. Soften into the unknown that is your life. May grace find you in the small moments, the big moments, and the moments in-between. May you remember to come back home to yourself each time you forget who you truly are. No fixing. No self-improvement. No pushing away the pain. Maybe grace is all you need. 🧡 Nila 〰️ 🌿 What does grace mean to you? How can you you give yourself grace today? 🕊
❥ Healing is as much about unbecoming as it is a ❥ Healing is as much about unbecoming as it is about becoming🕊 ⁣ The problem: Most of modern culture is based on - and encourages - learning. Yes, knowledge is powerful and important.. ⁣ BUT... ⁣ Knowledge won't bring us lasting healing unless we UNlearn certain patterns, beliefs, thoughts, messages we have been told and embodied over years - even decades. Unlearning is the process through which we break down the origins of our thoughts, attitudes, behaviors, feelings, and biases. It's about creating space and asking ourselves: ⁣ - Where do these beliefs come from? - Do these support my mental health? - Is this in alignment with the life I truly desire? - Is this congruent with my authenticity and the person I want to be(come)? ⁣ Unlearning means stripping away the beliefs and ways to act/behave/live that have been imposed by our upbringing, by our education, by the society we live in. It means challenging everything we've come to know as "the way things are supposed to be" and embracing "the way things are." And, more importantly, choosing what things resonate and don't resonate with us as we are now. The power of unlearning relies on our ability to heal, transform and change. Because, if there's one thing that makes human beings human, it's that they are on a never ending journey of self-(re)discovery. May you always remember that you are healing. And growing. And transforming. And constantly unbecoming and becoming as you are unfolding in your current state of being. May you remember that you are not what happened to you, but who you choose to be(come) in this very moment. May you let each present moment be your teacher. Remember your true essence is perfect and unconditioned, and your journey is un-learning what the world has taught you to become and remember who you truly are - as you already are. Much love 🧡 Nila 〰️ “For me, becoming isn’t about arriving somewhere or achieving a certain aim. I see it instead as forward motion, a means of evolving, a way to reach continuously toward a better self. The journey doesn’t end.” ― Michelle Obama @michelleobama Ps: My 3 months signature program will be back in soon (waitlist link in bio)! ☺️
❥ May you never apologise for who you are 🧡 ❥ May you never apologise for who you are 🧡 Most of us have been taught to betray ourselves and deny our own truth for so long (often a whole life-time) that it feels natural to apologise. Many of us are chronic apologizers without even realizing. Often, we apologize because we worry too much about what other people think, or because we put their feelings above our own needs. Society has trained us to believe that it’s polite to apologise - at the cost of our own sovereignty. ⠀⠀ A decent apology is necessary in many circumstances, but if you’re saying sorry for things that you’re not at fault for, it may be time to look deeper. There are certain things that you don’t have to apologise for (see some examples above). When you apologise for the way you feel, think, and behave, especially to those who have harmed you, you are continually betraying the part of you that has been hurt the most. No matter how difficult, choosing to no longer apologize for the way you feel, will give an undeniable strength to your younger wounded self. This will empower them to begin releasing more of what they’ve carried for far too long. No more I’m sorry for setting boundaries, saying "NO", believing in something others can't see, and feeling a certain way. That means sadness, anger, confusion, and any other emotion that can often be used as a judgment from others, is welcome. Apologising doesn’t always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It means you values relationship more than your ego. No one, under any circumstances, is ever owed an apology over how you feel and who you are. Never. I’m done apologising for being an imperfect human. I'm done apologizing for taking up space. I'm done apologising for my body. I'm done apologising for needing help. I'm done apologising for not knowing everything. I deleted the program that says I "have to" apologise for who I choose to be(come). I am my own. I am my own. So I dare to ask you: what are you done apologising for? May you always remember that you are not a problem that needs to be fixed. You are a whole, powerful human and I will always be here to show you how to feel it and be it. 🧡 Nila
❥ It's not easy, but I am willing 🧡 ⁣ I am ❥ It's not easy, but I am willing 🧡 ⁣ I am finally - after years of stumbling and searching - deeply anchored in my home within. Standing in my truth. Sheltered in place that forces me to surrender to the sweet unpredictability of life, over and over again. And amidst the daily challenges I still endure, I have never felt as aligned with my purpose and what I have to share in all of my life. I am humbled and blown away by the level of transformation and healing that we all are holding for the planet once we step into our light. Alignment with our purpose is our natural state of being. It's how we expand beyond ourselves and inspire others do the same. ⁣ I invite you to have compassion for yourself on this journey home to yourself. Pour loving awareness into the parts that are refusing to be still, to be here, now. In the dawn of the unknown, may you discover that your intuition is reaching for your hand. Just for today, can you carve our five minutes to listen? ⁣ It may feel like at times nothing will change, and with courageous practice they will. Perhaps not in the timeframe you want, and still you will one day realise something that once felt impossible is now doable. Can you ask yourself what feels doable today? ⁣ 2020 has taught me that having the courage to listen to and speak our own truth - over the truth of anybody else - is hard, but absolutely possible. And I promise you it will be worth it. Oh, so worth it. ⁣ I see you, courageous one, and wherever you are in your journey of becoming - you’re right on time. I will always be here to make you believe in yourself as much as I will support you to believe in you. ⁣ May the steps you choose to walk forward be ones of your own heart’s calling. May you find the courage to believe in yourself. ⁣ I know I sure do. ⁣ 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ Dear one, do you want to throw out the cookie-cutter approaches to healing & learn to tune into your own body's truest recipe to truly come home to yourself? Then my 12-week group coaching program "The Total Transformation©"might be just what you need! (Waitlist link in bio.) Let's journey inward & forward together - with courage. 🕊
❥ I believe, there's a big misconception about " ❥ I believe, there's a big misconception about "self-love" in modern (and social media) society! ⁣ Phrases like: "Just love yourself!", "No one will love you until you love yourself" are thrown around, but rarely does anyone talk about the daily work it takes to truly, deeply love yourself. We get conditioned to believe that to love ourselves, we need to spend our money on products and services that cost a fortune. ⁣ What a LIE. ⁣ Here is my take on self-love: Self-love is not (always) glamorous (although the photos of bubble filled tubs, beauty spas, massages, perfectly shaped yoga bodies, and delicately foamed lattes tell us a different story..). ⠀⠀ Self-love is an umbrella term for different acts of love we perform toward ourselves physically and non-physically. It's showing up for yourself to do the daily work of healing over and over again. It’s trying to change the harmful self-critical narratives in your head and tell yourself a different story. Keeping promises & showing up for ourselves even when we struggle with getting through the day. To love ourselves, we must first be kind to the internal states that feel unkind to us. Self-love, for me, is creating space for myself, every single day. To stop, pause, take a deep breath, and attune to my needs even - and especially - when I feel close to giving up. ⁣ This, for me, is self-love. And it takes a lot of courage, commitment, consistency, compassion, and curiosity to fall in love with who we (already) are. Over and over again. And forever. ⁣ Self-love is the fundamental love “for you, by you.” It’s about feeling your own needs and taking steps to meet them. It’s taking the time to do some of the things that nurture - as well as challenge - you. Being patient and attuning to our needs in the present is how we dance between effort (keeping daily promises to self) and surrender (allowing our emotions to guide us). This dance between effort & surrender gives birth to insight, healing and wholing.⁣ ⁣ 〰️ ⠀⠀ What does self-love mean/feel/look like to you? ⁣ I love you. May you do the same “for you, by you.” 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⁣ Ps: you are deserving of unconditional love from others - whether you love yourself or not
❥ Read that twice. ✨ ⁣ .. hmmm the embodimen ❥ Read that twice. ✨ ⁣ .. hmmm the embodiment of wholeness. ⁣ The greatest gift I ever got was space to learn to remember and embrace all of who I am. Returning back to what I once forgot - my unbreakable wholeness. When you belong to yourself, you don't need the approval or permission from others to be who you are. Which frees you to belong with others who love who you are, and want to belong with you, too - as you are. ⁣ Dear one, wholeness doesn't come by being chosen. It comes from choosing yourself. And so this shall be your year. No resolutions. There is nothing wrong in you that needs to be fixed. No habit that will make you a better version of yourself. No remedy for repairing your brokenness, for you are whole. ⁣ May you learn how to release what's not yours to keep. May you learn how to trust the journey even when you do not understand its meaning. ⁣ Let's scare the hell out of people, because you, you my dear, are whole all by yourself. 🕊 ⁣ Hold yourself in loving embrace and let your heart know she’s safe to belong. You are welcome here - in your fullness. ⁣ It’s here in this sacred feeling of wholeness within your heart where alone, yet not alone, you finally feel at home. ⁣ 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ ps: my group coaching program "The Total Transformation©" will begin again on March 1st. If you'd like to feel empowered, embraced, and encouraged in a sacred, nurturing container, you can sign yourself up for the waitlist or apply if you already know you are ready to join (Link in bio). It'd be an honour to guide you on this *transformational* journey home to yourself - where all of you belongs! It’s time for every part of your being to be loved into wholeness. 🌿
❥ When we are unable to find answers, we are cal ❥ When we are unable to find answers, we are called to love the questions themselves and live our way into the answers. ✨ My advice? Be fully committed to becoming exactly who you are by letting the answers find you. Maybe right now, all you need is to listen to yourself, not the noise. This is how we commit to our becoming, by acknowledging our place within our innate wisdom. You are your own expert, you hold your healing, no one else. Choose not to forget yourself. Be gentle with yourself when you feel overwhelmed by what you don’t know. And whenever you start to feel like you’re overwhelmed by the lack of answers, perhaps this is a moment to start asking different questions. Oh, and never forget to love (the process). Make love. Spread love. Be. Love. So I dare to ask you: What if we stopped trying so hard? What if we have what we need? What if we trusted in nothing much happening? What if instead we took another view? What if when we stop seeking the answers, it will make itself known to us? Hint: Life taught me that things do end up working out, just not always the way you thought they would. Extra hint: that's what I mean by "harnessing your inner wisdom". 😉✨ Nila 〰️ Ps: swipe to see where these questions found me this weekend 🍂🐶
❥ “And the day came when the risk to remain ti ❥ “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anais Nin ⁣ Re-sharing this list with some additions (because I change, and so do my boundaries, expectations, wants, and needs). This is me, 2021 - still the same, but oh so very different than a year ago. ⁣ Dear one, what part of you is holding you back from stepping away from what/who isn't serving you? ⁣ Maybe you are (still) trying to "fit in"? Maybe you’re hiding who you truly are? Afraid of not gaining acceptance? Maybe you’re feeling 'stuck', unworthy, not 'ready' enough? ⁣ Well, here is the thing: choosing to hide any part of who you are is doing a complete disservice to the beautiful person that you are continually becoming. You’ve only got this one precious chance and only so many laps around the sun to do what it is you feel called to do. So walk away from what/who isn't serving you, my dear. ⁣ Bloom. ⁣ For the flower that blossoms in the midst of adversity tends to be the most rare and beautiful of all. 🌷 ⁣ Nila ⁣ Tell me: What are you walking away from during this season/year/time? ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ Ps: ⁣if you are ready to step away from your past and are curious about learning more about what it means to "harness your inner wisdom" as fuel for your self-healing, growth, and thriving, I invite you to join my group coaching program the Total Transformation©. This soulful 3 month journey will guide you back into connection with yourself so you can awaken your heart, activate your inner wisdom and find peace, stillness and wholeness within. Over 3 powerful months you will receive weekly live coaching sessions, in-depth resources and learn the skills and tools to help you live with more mindfulness, presence, peace and ease, and embody more of your true self. All within a beautiful community of like-minded souls who are on the same path as you. ⁣(This program is NOT for you, if you are still looking for a "cookie-cutter approach" to get you out of the funk. This is for the ones who are willing to dig deep & rise high. Now and always. In all ways.) ⁣ For the ones who are willing.. 〰️ waitlist link in bio 〰️
❥ An incomplete list of things I'm unlearning th ❥ An incomplete list of things I'm unlearning these days 🧡 ⁣ An invitation: If someone is rushing in to fix you, trying to elevate the pain with a "how-to, step-by-step magic plan" and it doesn’t feel good to you, stop! ⁣ ... and remember: YOU ARE NOT BROKEN. Wounded - maybe - but not broken. People don't break. They get hurt and then they can heal. ⁣ Dear one, you don't need fixing. How could you fix something that isn't broken? You don't need perfection. How could you perfect someone that embodies the fullness of perfect imperfection? ⁣ Simple? Yes (if you know the tools & people who can support you). Easy? That depends on how willing you are to throw out the cookie-cutter approaches to healing & tune into your own body's wisdom, because everyone’s crazy unique and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to health, healing, and wholeness. ⁣ Healing isn’t about becoming perfect (which is an illusion in and by itself). Healing is about embracing the whole spectrum and messiness of human experiences - the pain, the fear, the grief AND the joy, the gratitude, the goodness. Trust me, emotional pain won't kill you, running away from it will. You can hold it all. You can hold it all. ⁣ So, stop running away from what's uncomfortable. Stop running away from your life. ⁣ Remember: Your true essence is perfect and unconditioned, and your journey is un-learning what the world has taught you to become and remember who you truly are. ⠀ ⁣ I will always be here to remind you that: ⭐︎ you are not broken. ⭐︎ there is nothing wrong with you. ⭐︎ you don’t have to carry it all on your own. ⭐︎ you don’t have to see the full picture, just yet. ⭐︎ you can take it slow, and honor your process. ⁣ I believe in you, don't you? ⁣ 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ Ps: Before we know how to UNlearn on our own, we have to be willing to be taught. And to be taught means letting people in. Most people won’t be our people but a few will and it’s the greatest gift. It's okay to let them go. And to create space for humans that support us on our journey to re-leraning & remembering.✨ Reach out to the humans that don't try to fix you. Look for the people who are willing to (un)learn with you. 🕊 ⁣
❥ And sometimes healing looks like turning inwar ❥ And sometimes healing looks like turning inward and seeing ourselves exactly as we are. ⁣ Healing is a practice, a routine, a journey, and most importantly a commitment towards oneself. Unfortunately, that's not how it presented in mainstream media. The "real" work, we do outside this little screen is healing, not fixing, not trying to put a band-aid on our wounds. Dear one, healing takes time, willingness, commitment, and discipline in order to truly transform and grow, rather than to quickly conceal and move on. Anything you're trying to run away from will follow you forever, there's no escape. ⁣ Be present in the process, even when it’s messy. ⁣ No matter how much or little you showed up for yourself today, let this be a reminder that THIS MOMENT is a moment to begin again. ⁣ Put your hands on your heart and ask yourself: ⭐︎ How does my body feel? ⭐︎ How does my heart feel? ⭐︎ What do I need? ⭐︎ How can I meet that need in a way that is deliciously doable today? ⁣ Let this post serve as a gentle reminder that it’s okay to temporarily put some things on pause while you allow yourself to recharge. You deserve that. Remember that within this life - your life - amidst all of the busyness, there is also room to rest and just be. Being a human is brutiful (brutal and beautiful at the same time). So I invite you to give yourself permission to begin again, as many times as you need until you've created the spacious capacity to breathe again - deeply. Slow growth is real growth, because when we move too rapidly, we get tired, and we stop. When we go slowly, we are able to go on, and it’s what we are able to do consistently that creates the most tremendous progress. You are powerful and capable for healing, and thriving. I see you. I believe in you. ⁣ Keep on moving on - in a sustainable way 🧡 ⁣ A reminder: We were never meant to do this whole human thing on our own. You are worthy of asking for and receiving help. Always. In all ways. 💫 ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ 🌿 I'd love to know: What does healing look like for you in this season? ⁣
❥ Fill in the blanks: "Today, I feel ___ *and* _ ❥ Fill in the blanks: "Today, I feel ___ *and* ___ ." 🌿 ⁣ Part of the beauty and the fullness of our humanity is our ability to feel, and to feel many things at once. There’s always room for both. We don't need to choose between these apparent opposites. We can make space to hold the messiness and complexity of our humanity, and allow ourselves to dance between these different states. I've been learning that to open yourself up to joy you also have to allow in pain. ⁣ We are innate meaning makers. We crave structure, routine, clarity + understanding. It helps us to feel safe + on solid ground. However when it comes to feelings, often interpretation + judgment can add more heaviness to the load I’m already carrying. ⁣ Consider that it's possible to create a safe haven in your body to feel all your feels. Everything that you're feeling is ok. Right now. Right this very minute. ⁣ There is some kind of a sweet innocence in being human - in not having to be just happy or just sad - in the nature of being able to be both deeply sad AND joyful, at the same time. We don't need to choose between these apparent opposites. We can make space to hold the messiness and complexity of our humanity, and allow ourselves to dance between these different states. I've been learning that to open yourself up to joy you also have to allow in pain. We can feel this. All of it. Together. ⁣ Allowing and accepting our emotions doesn't mean that we "like" them. It means that we welcome them with curiosity and a willingness to listen. ⁣ Be kind to your emotions - all of them - dear one. They hold much wisdom. 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
❥ How do you want to feel? 🕊 ⁣ Here's what ❥ How do you want to feel? 🕊 ⁣ Here's what I am going to commit myself to this year: In 2021, I will focus more on how I want to FEEL over how it looks like - or what other people think about me. I’ve been humbled beyond words by the power of deep personal transformation in 2020. Allowing myself to surrender into the unknown by reaching out to the mentors that I looked up to. The ones who are walking their talk. The ones that were able to hold space for my big emotions. The once that taught me to harness my own inner wisdom. ⁣ What a gift. ⁣ Here's what I hope for you, dear one: I hope you connect with someone who enlivens you. I hope someone who understands and acknowledges you, holds your hand and takes care of you when you’re sick and embraces you into a big hug of wordless understanding when you need it. ⠀⠀ I hope your days are filled with people who inspire you, who light you up when times are difficult and who will always believe in you - the REAL YOU. I hope you find beauty in the little things outside this little screen, eat a whole tub of ice cream by yourself & stay in your PJ's on Sundays watching your favourite movies and people - just because. ⠀⠀ I hope you are reminded EVERY SINGLE DAY why you’re special. I hope you are reminded that you make people feel heard, that you make people feel seen, understood and accepted. I hope you believe that you have a greater mission awaiting for you, that you’re a good, honest person who deserves beautiful things and beautiful moments in life. ⠀⠀ But most of all, I hope you look back on this year and smile. ⠀⠀ I hope it becomes the year you wished for. ⁣ The year you heal, you rise, you awaken. The year you truly started living. 🧡 ⁣ Remember: You don’t have to change, for anyone.. but yourself. May this year be your year of healing, growing and transformation! You deserve to feel freedom, to completely express yourself, be seen for who you truly are & be surrounded by people who remind you when you’ve forgotten. ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ ✨ I’d love to know: How do you want to FEEL? Who can support you?
❥ Stop scrolling for a second and... pause. 🧡 ❥ Stop scrolling for a second and... pause. 🧡⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⁣ Relax your jaw.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Soften your forehead.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Roll your shoulders up and back.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Twist your spine.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Take a big deep breath in,⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .. and out.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⁣ In times, where crisis looms large, and the world seems like its blowing up right under our noses, what we need more than ever, is a moment of... ⠀⠀ Calm. A deep breath. An anchor we can hold onto. ⠀⠀ Calm. Breath. Anchor. - not intelligence, not working harder or smarter, not coming up with the brightest and best ideas - is how we will make it through. There’s a sense of liberation from our conventional experience of time and space. Everything feels whole. ⁣ Use a mantra to remind yourself: Right now, in this moment, I am safe. Right now, in this moment, my needs are met. I am held. I am held. I am held. ⠀⠀ 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ Let me be honest with you, I’m feeling a lot of emotions today. Everything from joy this morning to heartbreak this afternoon. I was planning to announce that the Total Transformation© (my 3-month group coaching program) is open for enrollment again, but then life (and another COVID wave here in Germany) got into my way and people need me to hold space for them now more than ever. So I am learning to embrace that too and although I am really sad to postpone the launch until February, I am also grateful for my own wellbeing & being able to provide that space for the one's who need it most. The silver lining: In between client calls and family support, I will have a whole month to add some extra bonuses to the TT©. If you feel called to join me this spring, you can join the waitlist via link in bio. By joining the waitlist, you will receive early bird access as well as some pretty awesome bonuses that I am currently working on. In the meantime, I'm making myself cozy at home while the snow is slowly falling outside my window - for the first time this winter - thinking of what each moment has in store for me - and you. Learning to hold it all. Learning to embrace it all. 🌿 ⁣ Ps: I will still be holding space for this Sunday's Masterclass (link in bio).
❥ Some reminders for January - and 2021. 🕊 ⁣ Dear 2021, may you provide us strength & support, little and big joys, less doing and more being, more good news, more kindness, and more than anything southing to look forward to. Let's embrace who we are, and all that 2021 has to offer. ⁣ Today, I invite you to set aside some time to put together a self-care checklist of your very own. Remember that no act of self-kindness is too big or too small. When we begin to care for ourselves through simple and sustainable acts that bring us true joy and calm, we foster a kind and compassionate relationship with ourselves. ⁣ May we always remember that the doing is only as good as the being (you) doing the doing! May we remember that self-healing, -growth, and -transformation is not a solo journey. May we remember that we can always begin again. ⁣ ⭐︎ Word of the month: begin - to start doing something; to do the first part of something (Oxford Dictionary) ⁣ ⭐︎ Practice of the month: Let January be January. Let 2021 be 2021. Tomorrow will come when it comes. You will learn what you are meant to learn when you arrive there. Let this moment be a moment to begin - again. Always. In all ways. And forever. ⁣ ⭐︎ Quote of the month: "Every ending is also a beginning with an ending unknown." - Nila ⁣ 🧡 ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ The beginning of a new year is the most powerful time of the year for transformation, bringing a rich harvest that urges us to gather those things that nourish us, and respectfully release limiting and outdated patterns as we move into greater wholeness and balance. Hint: my signature program "The Total Transformation" will be back tomorrow. I cannot wait to transform with you. It's time to throw out the cookie-cutter approaches to healing & tune into your own body's truest recipe, because everyone’s crazy unique and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to health, healing, and wholeness. Let's begin. Again. 🕊
❥ This year, I’m going to EMBRACE the work in ❥ This year, I’m going to EMBRACE the work in progress that is me. No goals. Just daily intentions that nourish my whole being. 🕊 ⁣ Dear 2021, I am ready to embrace all that you have in store for me. I am looking forward to all that is yet to come. And I want to embrace all that already is. I am ready to embrace myself fully. Embrace my failures. Embrace my strengths. Embrace my questions and my gifts. Embrace who I am by being myself, and knowing that this is enough. ⁣ Dear 2021, I’m here for what each moment is birthing - instead of what I think you will want from me. I’m here to become more and more human. I’m no longer trying to be somewhere or something I’m not. I’m here to be the most me I can. That's all I can ever be. ⁣ Things I'm (finally) ready for this year: ⭐︎ Show up for myself - as myself - fully ⭐︎ Honour and attune to my needs ⭐︎ Say “NO” and mean it ⭐︎ Be GOOD rather than perfect ⭐︎ Cultivate joy amongst the pain/grief/sadness ⁣ I’ll be dancing with the theme of "embrace" all year, and I’ll be sure to share some of that journey here as it unfolds. But for now, I am settling into the warm, nourishing embrace of my own life as it continues to unfold. ⁣ I invite you to say it with me: ⭐︎ I am free to start over. ⭐︎ I am free to begin again. ⭐︎ I am free to step into the light trusting. ⭐︎ I am more than who you have been at the beginning of last year. .. and I don’t have to see the whole staircase to take the first step. ⁣ What if the unknown is the medicine? ⁣ It takes willingness to enter the unknown, look within and see all the parts of ourselves we have deemed broken, undeserving, or wrong to be met with compassion. So if you are currently in the space between the person you were and the one you are becoming... be gentle, be aware. ⁣ Embrace the miracle that is y o u 🧡 ⁣ ⁣What are you embracing this year? How are you choosing to move forward in a way that's different than before? I'd love to know. ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ A reminder: you don't have to have everything figured out to take your first step. You can start doing things that might seem like a tiny drop right now but in 3 months time will be an ocean. I promise you, it will be worth it
❥ Dear 2021, I am ready to e m b r a c e whateve ❥ Dear 2021, I am ready to e m b r a c e whatever you have planned for me.🕊 ⁣ Warning: there will be a lot of posts on this topic this year. ⁣ ..and in case you haven't heard: I am hosting a fun, free, open masterclass on creating your own GOOD year 2021 on January 10th - and you are invited. 🎉 ⁣ I so need the hope and inspiration of this new beginning, don’t you? Like a portal to our rich, nurturing, joyful future - filled with promise and potential. 2020 was messy - to say the least. Many of us have stepped up to the biggest challenges of our lives. The bad news: Our challenges continue. The good news: We have a choice in how we embrace and approach them. Always. ⁣ Life will always be challenging. How we embrace those challenges will always be a choice. If you want to spend 2021 getting clear about how you want to spend your energy, embrace life's challenges and be supported join me in this masterclass, where I will ask you more questions than provide you with answers - because I want you to find them for yourself. ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ Here's what we will cover in the masterclass: ⭐︎ Reflecting on the old ⭐︎ Inviting the new ⭐︎ The 3 most important questions to ask yourself ⭐︎ The 5 C's of change ⭐︎ How to cultivate a beginners mind ⭐︎ A commitment practice ⁣ You will get the opportunity to journal, engage and ask your questions. We will be finishing with an exclusive offering to make it a GOOD year to remember. Hint: this is just an invitation to go deeper. No commitment to journey with me. 😉 ⁣ All you need is a journal, a pen, and your undivided attention... Oh and a willingness to embrace the unknown.. (more on this in the masterclass). ⁣ May you always remember that you’re allowed to not have it all figured out — you are allowed to be in a space of evolution and learning.⁣ Always. All ways. And forever. ⁣ Here’s to another brutiful year of navigating being human and honouring ourselves as best as we can. I cannot wait to be there with you every step of the way. Let's make the best out of 2021. Let's make it a (damn) GOOD year to remember! ⁣ I am so ready to EMBRACE all of what's to come. Are you? ⁣ 👉🏼 Link in bio to save your spot! 🧡 ⁣ Nila
❥ New Year. Same me. (but oh so very different)🕊 ⁣ In all honesty, I was planning to announce that "The Total Transformation©" - my 3 month group coaching program is open for enrolment again, but then I woke up this morning and sadness came to visit. Bursting out into tears, I was looking into the mirror - starring straight into the same green eyes I looked into 366 days ago. The same sadness. The same fear. The same questions. ⁣ The same me - but oh so very different. I am proud of who I was and who I am be(com)ing. I've learned so much about myself last year - and about what it means to embrace my full humanity. I am not who I used to be. And that is a beautiful thing. ⁣ My word of 2020 was "transformation". Today I realised that it wasn't me that transformed. It was my relationship with myself that transformed. My trauma, fear, pain, and anxiety don't scare me anymore. It all belongs. What has transformed is not any of my feelings, it's my relationship to them. ⁣ The greatest lesson from 2020 was embrace the messy human being that is me. I am so glad I continue to embrace - m e. ⁣ So after cleaning up my tears I welcome 2021, a brand new unknown, by committing to show up more honest, more human, more me in this online space. ⁣ I want to thank you all for being here. Reading. Sharing. Engaging in my work. I love all of you who have loved all of me throughout the last 2 years I've been sharing here. My hope is that whomever stumbles to my page or my work is left feeling loved, supported and encouraged to show up, take space, and embrace their wholeness. I invite you to put both hands on your heart & repeat after me: "Who I have been is enough. Who I will be is enough. Who I am is enough." ⁣ May you find peace in wherever you are. May the pressure of the new year be a quiet whisper and may joy continue to find you in the now. May you continue to remember & embrace all of who you are. Always. In all ways. ⁣ We will nourish, we will heal, we will transform, we will continue to remember who we truly are. 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ My word of the year: E M B R A C E (all of who I've been, who I am, and who I am becoming) 🕊 👉🏼 swipe for my "awareness board"
❥ Repeat them to yourself, write them in your jo ❥ Repeat them to yourself, write them in your journal, or share with someone you love.✨ ⁣ What has 2020 taught you about yourself? What did you (re)discover? What reminder do you need today? ⁣ For me, this year has been about shedding who I thought I needed to be in order to align to a truer more meaningful expression of myself. I’ve learned to trust myself - to honor my gifts - to prioritize my family - and to be there for my friends. I’ve learned to look for JOY even when it feels like the walls are caving in. I’ve learned that the dark isn’t anything to be afraid of once you realise that you are the light.. and that no matter what I do - or don't do - I will always be enough. ⁣ The *secret* to healing, growth, and transformation? ⁣ To meet yourself exactly as you are in the present moment, with unconditional love. You don't need to become a better version of yourself. You just need to remember and embrace all of who you already are. ⁣ My invitation to you - and me as we journey into a brand new unknown is this: Let’s live life more being present. In the sacred space between no longer -and not yet. Let that space inspire you. One day at the time. One moment at the time. Again. And again. ⁣ I want to thank you so much for sharing some of your heart and life with me as we turn toward the mystery of the new year together. Here’s to making space for something new - whatever that may be. ⁣ I love holding space for (all of) you. Here's to another GOOD year of uncovering & remembering who we truly are. 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ 🌿 the doors to my 3-month group coaching program "The Total Transformation©" are going to open again (with a very special New Years offering) next week. If you want to spend 2021 getting crystal clear about how you want to spend your energy, embrace life's challenges and be supported by a glorious community of like-minded humans, I can’t wait to welcome you.🕊 ⁣
❥ Questions I ask myself. Questions that continu ❥ Questions I ask myself. Questions that continue to bring me back - to m e. 🦋 ⁣ Dear one, no matter what you have been going through. No matter what you are currently facing. No matter how close you were to giving up. You are so worthy of being loved and seen in your fullness. ⁣ Here's your permission - to begin again. ⁣ Now is the time to decide how you are going to show up for yourself. ⁣ Did you know that the numerological number for 2021 is 5 (2 + 0 + 2 + 1= 5) and in the major arcana, card number Five (5) represents The Hierophant card (in Tarot)? I just learned the other day that the Hierophant card keywords are wise advisor, tradition, spirituality, (rebuilding) structure, crisis in faith, high standards, education, unity and transformation. ⁣ So I invite to ask yourself: ⭐︎ What do you want from your shiny new year? ⭐︎ What are you willing to offer for 2021 to deliver the promises you ask for? ⭐︎ What do you want to transform? ⁣ We’re now called to make our decision, even in the darkness of the uncertain future before us. We name it and claim it as our own. We step up to the responsibility of it. We breathe our life into it. ⁣ How? ⁣ We say Yes—to our bright shiny new year, 2021, vibrating with the promise and potential that is there whether we believe it, feel it, or are too tired to see it. ⁣ Say it. Write it. Shout it. ⁣ "Yes, I believe. Yes, I’m willing to stretch myself to learn and practice new things. Yes, I’m calling in the promise and potential of 2021. Yes, I’m calling in the promise and potential of my sweet, challenging, vibrant GOOD life." ⁣ Easy? ⁣ Definitely not. ⁣ Possible? ⁣ Most definitely. Always. ⁣ So say "yes" to believing in a brighter future. Say "yes" to trying. Say "yes" to new ideas. Say "yes" to whatever it is your soul craves in any given moment. Just try to be gentle (and patient!) with yourself along the way. The best we can do is try. ⁣ With much love and appreciation for showing up in your full humanity 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ 🌿 Swipe left for my personal learnings ⁣ Want more? FREE “GOOD year” journal & FREE “GOOD year” Masterclass on January 10. via link in bio ✨ ⁣
❥ Instead of a dream jar, let’s make a COMMITM ❥ Instead of a dream jar, let’s make a COMMITMENT jar 💫 ⁣ Here is an incomplete list of (small) promises/commitments I have made to myself and for myself this year and they have been serving me very well so far: ⁣ ⭐︎ do one thing at a time ⭐︎ give myself space for silence/self-inquiry ⭐︎ practice acceptance ⭐︎ stop, pause and observe more often ⭐︎ bring myself back into the present moment ⭐︎ take baby steps ⭐︎ let things fall apart when they need to ⭐︎ saying no (more often) ⭐︎ not letting people steal my joy ⭐︎ dropping beliefs & thoughts that are limiting/constraining me ⭐︎ less screen time & more time in nature ⭐︎ not responding to messages/e-mails that drag me down ⭐︎ intentionally making room to complete my daily “joy-list” ⭐︎ stop ruminating in the past and worrying about the future ⭐︎ making time for daily inquiry, journaling, meditation practice ⭐︎ showing up for me, as me, no matter what people think or say ⭐︎ embracing all my feelings without the need of external validation ⭐︎ starting my day without external distractions (no phone, no e-mails, etc.) ⁣ I’m slowly changing how I spend my life, so it’s oriented around maximising what I want to do rather than minimising what I don’t want to do. ⁣ No matter what happens around me: ⭐︎ I can choose how to respond to it ⭐︎ I can move at the pace of ease ⭐︎ I can claim my inherent power ⭐︎ I can find joy in the small moments ⭐︎ I can be compassionate with myself ⭐︎ I deserve to have my needs met ⭐︎ I am worthy of love, support and belonging ⭐︎ I am worthy of feeling GOOD ⭐︎ I remain whole, enough, complete ⁣ I invite you to join me by placing both hands on your heart and take a moment to be really proud of you. Brush away the little imposter on your shoulder that whispers otherwise. Here we are living and learning, growing and being, and that is always enough. I’m done thinking about what isn’t. I’m not waiting until 2021 to be kinder to and prouder of myself. I’m choosing to celebrate where I am right here, right now. I hope you’ll join me! ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ Today, I choose to be OK with not pleasing everyone. Which one do you practice? ⁣ 🧡 ⁣ Nila
❥ Give yourself permission to be where you are a ❥ Give yourself permission to be where you are and to do the next right thing. Again and again.. 🕊 ⁣ Here you are—the final days of 2020, somehow still the same, but very different from when you started this year. I want to leave you with some reminders about what I know to be true: ⁣ ⭐︎ You are loved, even on your hardest days. ⭐︎ Taking three deep breaths will help. Trust me. ⭐︎ You do not have to strive for perfection to be GOOD. ⭐︎ Happiness can be found most in the little moments. ⭐︎ Express yourself in whatever way feels most authentic.⠀ ⭐︎ You are not responsible for other people's happiness. ⭐︎ Boundaries are a by-product of cultivating self worth. ⭐︎ You are enough. Your existence is enough. Always. ⭐︎ Self compassion is an important part of the healing process. ⭐︎ Be kind to yourself as you become someone you didn't know before. ⁣ Where you ache to hide, allow yourself to be seen. Where you ache to be silent, allow yourself to speak up. Where you ache to be liked, allow yourself to be utterly loved. ⁣ Your feelings are valid, you matter and you should never be alone. Please be kind to yourself. 2020 has been a lot to process. Being human is complex, honouring that today and everyday. ⁣ If this year has shown us anything its how much the little things matter. So this season especially, give yourself permission to enjoy all little things that light you up, because at the end of the day don't forget how much YOU really matter. ⁣ Let these final days of 2020 be the days you embrace the slowness and the art of listening. Not doing anything than tuning in, listening deep and acknowledging what wants to happen next. ⁣ Give yourself permission to hold all of your past selves in loving compassion.⁣ Give yourself permission to forgive yourself for who you were when you were becoming who you are today. ⁣Give yourself permission to be where you are. ⁣ Give yourself permission to begin again. ⁣ Again and again. ⁣ 🧡 ⁣ Nila ⁣ 〰️ ⁣ 🌿 Questions to ponder on: What can I give myself permission to do today? What is it within myself that is longing for permission? Who is the person I need to be as I go forward into the new year?
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